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I sat with her words still echoing in my mind: “I don’t know if I’ll ever feel joy again.”
This woman wasn’t a client. She was my mentor. Only for this conversation, I was the ‘older woman’. My daughter had died 15 years before hers.
Still I didn’t have a quick answer.
In truth, I’ve asked the same thing. Through grief. Through chronic illness. Through deep, soul-level weariness, I’ve wondered if joy would ever return.
But today, something simple happened. I went to make tea.
Something changed March 31st.
I didn’t think much of it at first until it was April 5 and I was still ‘down’ (exhausted, weak, unable to think clearly or make a decision) I’ve had those symptoms happen before. I struggle with them periodically, but I felt like I was doing better.
And then I wasn’t.
And I haven’t been all month.
I’ve done the things I have to do. I take an extra dose of the meds I need to manage ‘stress’ (that’s what you do when you have Addison’s disease, because my body doesn’t do that anymore.) I muster up enough energy to speak or teach or coach or write-
and then I sleep. A lot.
Being the question-asker that I am, I have tried to determine why I am ‘down’ and why for so long. I attributed it to some new meds I’m taking, or the weather change or … I have a rather long list of things I could mention here.
But then my husband says,
I really hate to admit this to you. Afterall, the situation is a huge part of the work I do with and for other women-- I should have that figured out for myself, right?
Well, I was told by a mentor, "your greatest pain often becomes your greatest service to your world." So...I must have some GREAT work yet ahead of me. ,,
Pondering the value of ‘last words’ in my life, I have considered often my last face-to-face conversation with Dad over Memorial Day weekend of 2022. I shared this memory on August 6th, 2022 at his memorial service.
On July 23rd, 2022, my Daddy went 'HOME".
Since our daughter, Leisha, 'ran on home' almost almost 16 years ago, I've been very aware that this earthly home is only temporary.
Dad and I talked about that in May when I saw him last. He spoke of what it would be like to see Leisha - after Jesus of course! How he would give her a big hug and tell her that her momma loves her.
He admitted it was hard to…
The holiday season can be so hard, but especially if you have lost - or feel like you are losing someone you love. Early this season, I was invited to share with a hospice group in Texas ways we can SEE GREEN HOPE this brown holiday. Take a listen.
How is HOPE showing up for you this week? I would love to hear what HOPE looks like for you?
Thirty plus years ago, when we were trying to figure out what to name our 3rd daughter, I recalled a musical written by Michael W. Smith and Andy Stanley called The Big Picture: A Youth Musical about God's Providence.
It is the story of a group of young people who are dealing with two teens from their group being in a tragic car accident. The boy was in the hospital. The girl had been killed. Her name was Leesha. (You can find more about this in my book Lovely Traces of Hope ) There was a song in the musical called "I hear Leesha".
We felt like the world needed another Leesha who was sold out for the Lord and making a difference in her world. So we chose that name, and changed the spelling to LEIsha.
I told the Lord, "I never want to use this song at my teen age daughter's funeral".
But we did!
30 Days of GREEN HOPE Series
C.S. Lewis writes 'to love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will b wrung and possibly broken..."
Oh that can be so very hard to live out. But I have been reminded today that I would rather live in the messy, beautiful, full of all the feels relationships in my life, than not to have known the deep love that can result.
How do Family and Flowers teach me about that today? Well, you will have to listen to find out.
What / or who is challenging you in the love dept. today? What choice will you make - to be 'safe and probably motionless and airless and 'unbroken' - or to risk the possibility of being broken and vulnerable? Neither way is easy. But one is LOVE!
Day 6 30 Days of Green Hope Series
I'm sitting out on the front porch of my parents home. Sneaking in my recording as I listen to my mom play the piano. My heart is often touched deeply by the way my mom plays. It is always so much more than just "polka dots" (notes) from a page. She communicates words and heart through her music. And I love it when my dad joins in by humming or singing the bass along with her. What a rich legacy these two special humans have left in my heart - and in the lives of my siblings and this community. Today this is my 'GREEN HOPE".
What are you hearing today?
Momma’s hands
Ten minutes in person- royal connection!
Every once in a while everything works out just right for a special connection. Driving from Ohio to Texas, we drove right by the office of the Woodward Oklahoma News office where one of my mastermind girlfriends work. Staff writer Dawnita Fogelman.
I joined this mastermind group of entreprenuerial women to help get support and encouragment as I grow GREEN HOPE COACHING. But due to the restrictions of the last couple of years, I have never met any of the beautiful women in person- only over zoom!
But today I got to give a real hug to one of the QUEENS - Dawnita. We only had 10 minutes together but it was so good to see her in person for the first time.
This was truly a life giving, green hope moment. Can't wait till the group can all join in-person together.
So who do you need to spend some face to face time with?
